Third Culture Crossroads

Sometime during the past couple of months, I have felt that I entered the "third culture" state. When we first moved here, I felt like home was back in Arkansas. However, as we close in on the three-year mark for living here, I no longer look at any one place as "home."

Too much has changed in the familiar haunts back in AR. It is not the place I left, even though many of the people are still there. Keeping up all the friendships when separated by an ocean is difficult, and my time really needs to be spent cultivating relationships here, instead.

On the other hand, despite being surrounded by wonderful people, I certainly don't feel like I really belong here, either. The language barrier is obviously one reason for that. Enough people speak English, but expressions, jokes, euphemisms, etc., get lost in translation. Another reason we don't feel at home here is that every new venture is always so much more difficult because we simply don't know "how it's done." And getting it done is a big deal again because of the language issue.

Not knowing how much longer we will remain here only compounds the disconnected feeling.

Rich Mullins has a great song, titled "What Susan Said." It's a song of friendship and loneliness. Here is the part I find to be the most relevant.

And we both feel lost
But I remember what Susan said
How love is found in the things we've given up
More than in the things that we have kept
And ain't it funny what people say
And ain't it funny what people write
And ain't it funny how it hits you so hard
In the middle of the night
And if your home is just another place where you're a stranger
And far away is just somewhere you've never been
I hope that you'll remember I was your friend

I first heard these words in Costa Rica, and they are speaking to me again.

Inauguration Night

Last night was the celebration of completion of Timothy's project here. The inauguration of the boiler to produce steam and electricity for the board mill here was an important evening to honor those involved and recognize the hard work put forth.
I arrived shortly after 4pm with all three kiddos in tow. After some small talk, Timothy showed us around the new facilities. As an engineer at heart, I found much of it fascinating, and it was fabulous to be able to see what he has been working on the past two years.
After the brief tour, we went back to the tent where much of the proceedings took place, and listened to his father give a speech before heading over to the building for the ribbon-cutting ceremony. The ribbon was a pair of vertical cloth streamers, on which an acrobat gave an impressive performance. When the acrobat was done, the mayor of the town gave a speech, after which she and Timo's dad each cut one of the streamers. Following a toast and some more small talk, we all walked back to the tent for a Swedish smorgasbord.
Sometime after dinner and dessert, Timothy got up to give a brief thank-you speech. The first person he thanked was me! After acknowledging me and expressing his appreciation for what I have done in his life, the whole room broke out in applause. As a homemaker who can easily feel underappreciated, I was overwhelmed. I fought back tears as he looked directly at me and said, "Thank you," in front of a room full of hundreds of people.
A couple of more people got up to talk, but most of the evening was spent listening to the live band, talking with those around me, and chasing after kids. Actually, I got a lot of help with the kiddos. Timothy's mom, sister, and bro-in-law helped tremendously, as did some friends of ours. Shortly before 9pm, I decided I needed to head home. The kids were tired, as was I. Hunter wanted to nurse, and I couldn't do that in the dress I was wearing.
Overall, it was a wonderful evening where I felt all the effort we have put into moving, living, and laboring here was not only acknowledged, but also appreciated. I am so proud of my hubby. He has worked extremely hard to get to this point, and he deserved an evening such as this.

Becoming Swedish

Yesterday was an absolutely beautiful day. The temperature got up to 70 degrees F, and I thought to myself, "I am kind of hot." Then I thought to myself, "I am becoming Swedish if I think 70 degrees is hot."

Taking a Moment

With everything that is happening in this world, especially with the recent events in Haiti, I have been wondering why I am so blessed. Why do I get to live in a warm house with plenty of food, a wonderful family, and a general feeling of safety and security? I could have easily been born in another country, to a mother who couldn't or wouldn't take care of me. Instead, I was born into a house with four older siblings and two parents who loved me and raised me with a good education, strong morals, and a Christian heritage.
Of course, like anyone, I have had my hard times. My low points include suffering two miscarriages, moving far from family, and losing my grandparents. But, on the upside, I have been blessed with three wonderful children, amazing friends everywhere I move, and, let's face it, grandparents (and everyone else) don't live forever.
I guess I am just thankful for all I have -- God, my family, dear friends, a comfortable house, plenty of food, clean water, good health, the list goes on. Today, I am stopping to count my blessings.

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?

This post is not so much about an event that has taken place in my recent life as it is a reflection on growing older.

Most of the time, I don't mind growing older. People my age (just listen to me!) can appreciate "Pinky and the Brain" jokes, remember going to ska concerts, and know what Grover's "Near, Far" sketch is about. It is fun talking to people who "get" you simply because you have lived as contemporaries. I honestly don't miss the uncertain teenage years. I love being where I am in life.

So what sparked this train of thought? Movies. I love old movies. I grew up watching them, and I still will watch them when I have a chance. The difference with watching them growing up is that the main characters usually were older than I, so I got used to watching them from that perspective. That being said, I was watching a movie last night with Bing Crosby and Grace Kelly. Grace Kelly was playing someone who was about 26 years old. Last night, I realized that I am older than Grace Kelly was supposed to be in that movie, and it was just weird to realize that sometime in the past decade, I have made that transition. I don't think current box office hits get to me so much because the actors I watched as a kid are making movies where they are still older than I. The people who play younger characters are people I didn't grow up with, so it doesn't hit me the same way.

Back to Grace Kelly... I didn't finish the movie. I had to go to bed so I could be up when my children got up. I guess that is just another part of growing old. :o)

Playing Around

Yesterday, I played my violin at church as a part of the worship team. It was the first time I have played in front of a group of people since high school (and we won't go into how long ago that was). I haven't played regularly for years, so at first, I was cringed at the idea of a microphone. We practiced on Thursday and then again Sunday morning before the service started. I had a couple of short solos, and I was extremely nervous (nothing new). However, it all went well (or so I was told), and I look forward to the next time (There are three worship teams that rotate, so I will be playing again in three weeks). It was fun to get out and do something that defines me more as an individual than as an extension of someone else. I love being a mom and a wife. I wouldn't trade those things for the world, but it was nice to be a part of something else, too.